Loneliness and bad thoughts!

I have always been a shy person. It's not until I began high school that I started to shut myself off from others. That way people wouldn't be able to bully or humiliate me. It was easier to put my head down, to be quiet and to hide. It never got me anywhere. I didn't make many friends so I was very lonely. My self confidence suffered, I was sad, angry with my self, frustrated and I was fearful of everything. I felt angry because I wanted to say so many things but was too afraid to do so. It's not until you hit rock bottom that you realise things have to change. When high school finished I lost my school friends who made me feel secure and less lonely. They weren't around anymore, people got jobs, met new friends and went to new places. I was angry most of the time. I couldn't get angry at my few friends I did have because I feared I'd lose them so I got angry at my family. It's not until I started seeing my therapist that I realised the things I did protected me from being humiliated or bullied at school because I never did anything! I was never truly just Alice. Expressing her opinions, needs or wants. I got into the habit of avoiding things to protect myself. The fact is I wasn't really protecting myself. I was hurting myself.

I've learned new habits today to help myself enter the world with a better outlook. I'll share some of these things that have helped me begin the process to change:

- I said sorry to family. Taking my anger out on them was not acceptable.
- I learned to be aware of warning signs of anger. Why are you really angry?! What are you going to do with it. BE MINDFUL!
- I talked with my parents about my situation. They have given me so much support.
- Start saying yes and stop saying no to going out.This one will involve discipline and will power. GIVE THINGS A TRY! Don't cheat yourself.
- Is the situation justified to be sad. MOST TIMES YOU CAN DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!
- Accept the fact that sometimes things can go wrong and most times they go right.
- Test out situations. Sometimes with this one we need to ask for support.

and think

Is it a thought or a fact...?!

This is still a working progress and I'm learning to relax slowly. I learn new coping skills everyday. These things take time. It's not easy trying to break a habit that you've had for years!